Losing My Best friend

"He made me laugh, He looked up to me, He was my best friend",
Everyday I fear losing my brother like today will be the end,
I imagine standing in front of all these people and breaking down,
I imagine my heart breaking knowing hes no longer around,
I wonder If Id be able to go up to that pew and words come before I cried,
I wonder how long it would be til it hits me that he really died?,
As far as family goes hes my definition of what family is,
Loyal, caring, over protective,and loving since we were kids,
The only guy whose been consistent in my life from the beginning,
The only 1 with the attitude if Im winning u winning,
What would I say to his ride or die boys that attend?,
Id say this thug life is not something I recommend,
Id cry to them and ask them to give it up cuz this kind of wound doesnt heal,
The pain will be too much and numb will be all I feel,
Id tell em that its killing me to stand so close to a box that holds my heart,
That my baby brother has always been with me from the start,
And now everyday Ill call his phone and he wont be there to say hello,
Say "yes Im good, yes I ate, aite I love you mo",
Then Id be crying out of control as the memories hit me,
And I think of all the things my baby brother could be,
And correct myself because its could of been,
Man honestly I wouldn't even know where to begin,
  How about how he was the first person to try my food,
How he said "this the best schetti Karly" with the best attitude,
Most of it wasn't even edible and he still ate it,
And everyday with the hope things would change he still waited,
Id be an absolute mess and this time couldn't be strong,
Id pray God switches places from me and him even if its wrong,
Id start to sing something that reminds me of my brother,
And mid song Id be reminded Ill never have another,
Then the selfish thoughts would come whose gunna walk me down the aisle?,
Whose face will light up wen I tell him his name is the middle name of my 1st child?,
Whose gunna tell me "Karly we family u gotta learn to forgive"?,
What am I gunna do without your strength how can I live?
Its the worst nightmare and I live it everyday,
And sadly Im sitting here imagining his funeral and what I would say.